I haven’t used this in so long that there’s a post on the first page that’s like “Tom Breihan blah blah on Twitter the other day…” referring to him as a stranger because he was not my co-worker. Whoa. Neglect.

#allposivalentinesday

maura:

Because letting the man get me down is super tired.

Join in, won’t you?

I like this day. My favorite kind of candy is Red Candy and my best friend and I are gonna eat heart-shaped pizza. Now, please send me any and all Ryan Gosling GIFs.

SOSA EAT WORLD

Books, though

Grace had me for Girl UN Secret Santa, which really is a present itself, and she really knocked it out of the park and touched me deeply with the thoughtfulness of her gift. First*, she gave me My Ideal Bookshelf, edited by Thessaly La Force — someone remind me why I didn’t pitch a story for Girl Crush zine — with really lovely illustrations by Jane Mount. Each page features a writer, curator, etc. speaking about their most formative and favorite reads. As much as I love books, I also love hearing people talk about the ones that mean most to them — that shaped them, made them see god. [Note: Unless I’m the only one who feels something divine when I read a collection of words that are perfect. I’ve seen the light with Mary McCarthy, Henry Miller, Norman Mailer, Ellen Willis, Cometbus, Danyel Smith, my friend David Bevan — it goes on.] I’ve made my own list, below, without the same style FOB-length description about the love and experience of reading but annotations on each one because they’re too important to me to let any of them go unspoken on.

Read More

Five Favorites

Two nights ago over Frozen Harrisons and too much Wiz Khalifa at Enid’s, Ho-Mui and I made our top 5 lists about 2012. It was really just like name five things about this totally weird year that actually made it good. These are those five things with a bit of why.

1. Tanlines. Whether it was their cranky post-P4K Chicago show, watching them wine-buzzed in Central Park or the glorious homecoming last month, this was my favorite band to see in 2012. I didn’t really think these guys would make one of my favorite records of the year, either, let alone something that I am going to listen to for the rest of my life.
2. Made in America Weekend. This was the best time I had the whole year and it started in the car ride. I DJed the first part of the drive down to Philly and got into a serious hole that concluded with Dru Hill’s “How Deep Is Your Love”. Sitting bitch on a road trip never felt so good. When you’re perched in a Grace and Tassja serenade sandwich, the two of them singing with every Sisqo affectation in stereo and subsequently breaking into a conversation about when movie soundtracks were the shit, you know you’re with your people. And then, like a huge family with half of #GirlUN, other awesome friends and brand new ones, we watched Santi, X, Jay-Z (who, seeing with Tass, was a highlight), Pearl Jam, Odd Future (which got Mickey to name me “One Woman Circle Pit”—I didn’t even do anything like that, but I appreciate the sentiment oh so much), Janelle Monae, D’ANGELO <3 <3 <3 (We’re all expecting because of that. Did you know?). Run ins with Danyelliott and Lizzy B and Rembert who was the real star of Jay-Z’s set when he kept saying “If Kanye comes out, I’m going to kill myself” rinse and repeat for other G.O.O.D. rappers, he was so hyped. Sneaking in all our booze and having picnic kikis and no one EVER getting fussy or weird or mean. It was full-on happy emotions all weekend. I hope we can do that again. Plus, we stayed with Toni’s parents who are *awesome*.
3. Fam Sunday. After Nikki’s Bon Voyage Brunch and Ho-Mui’s Tie-Dye in the Park Birthday, the crew became inseparable. Jordan and I planned a cook-out on his roof the following Sunday and we decided this was how were going to spend the rest of the summer. We, sadly, did not as June is always time for idealizing how the rest of the season will go before it becomes completely unpredictable. Mui and I watched the Euro final with Jordan, bowled and then went to a Canada Day party and called it Abridged Fam Sunday, but that was the end. I think we can do it next summer, maybe every other week, with actual trips to Playland, etc. but the times we had are memories I am never going to lose. The forging of new friendships, feeling like you’re actually with your people is insurmountable.
4. I Do Not Freelance Anymore. When you live alone in a studio apartment, doing that for two years turns into your own version of The Shining. ::Love letter to working at Stereogum that I don’t even have the words for yet::
5. The “Somebody That I Used To Know” and “Bad Religion” Effect. This was not originally on the list but whatever the other was needs to be replaced by this. That Gotye song was so inescapable, but so catchy, I started loving it. But I was listening to it, not hearing it. And then I heard it. Hard. I haven’t ever heard a song that sounded like it could have been from him and same goes for Kimbra’s verse for me. It centered me. I felt fine with all my decisions. Then Meezy and I went to Chicago and stayed with a friend of hers who shared his name and whose roommate’s first name is my ex’s last. It was a lot. Came home to stories about him. His memory, which I was so good at healthily processing at that point, was becoming too much for me to bear. And then Channel Orange came out. I was 19, too, Frankie, and we lasted so much longer than a summer but I imagine that your pain was similar to mine. When he sings, “Unrequited love / to me it’s nothing but a one-man cult” I finally understood what those two and a half years were. Where for literally five days, not even all in succession, he was my “boyfriend” but for the rest of it we were a nebulous blob who spent every waking moment together unless he entertained other women (which I now refer to as cheating even though I suppose it wasn’t—but it still cut that way). When this summer got hotter, I would lay in bed and listen to Ocean wail, “I could never make him love me / I could never make him love me” and finally realized exactly what it was. Granted, the final nail in our coffin was well, well after our relationship and now I have something in common with Fiona Apple, Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson that was hella not my fault because I don’t do things that are illegal expressly because they’re illegal and to avoid the trauma of what happened to us. That’s what killed it. But because of Frank’s Tumblr confession, I knew it was old feelings he was talking about and that we were genuflecting at the same shitty heartbreak altar. When he sings that last “meeee” I hear my mom, I hear my friends. I see the eye rolls, hear their sighs, remember them forcing irritation off of their faces to hear another story about him. And one night I felt that exhaustion about my hatred for him. It was because it wasn’t there anymore. So I called him. And he was amazing. He’s still amazing. But it was those two songs that helped me make sense of the whole thing so many years later. HM: For squashing my one other real beef over the past two days. It makes me sad that those two fuckers both live on the west coast, but I’m so happy they’re in my life.

UPDATE: I just remembered the other thing was Part of Me. The scene where Russell Brand breaks up with Katy Perry fogged up my 3D glasses and is burned in my brain forever. I don’t know what KatyCatdom says about me but I don’t care.

UPDATE 2: Ho-Mui and I had new year cocktails and said what about 2012 would you keep the same. I said my cat, my friends, my new job—but in jest, cos I know that’s not what she meant. Then I said being more open. And that is to say, I am a lot better at caring that I was before. I don’t mean that about being a caring person. I have always been that and I will never stop being, even if sometimes it comes off as cruel. When it’s necessary, I do it. That’s just how much I care. What I really meant was continuing to actively participate in my own life. I did that a lot this year, especially pertaining to cultivating my career and flourishing my friendships/family. This year I will continue to do that, only for something that really needs it: Me. It starts with a major purging of shit from my apartment. I hope that act ends up being in my top 4 of 2013.